Happy Father’s Day to the most bitchin’ dad out there. John Zabel, over the years you’ve taught me quite a lot, and while it was certainly difficult to choose, below are just a few of the “life lessons” you’ve taught me…
1- Life. Is. Not. Fair.
2- Realizing you no longer have to pay for school, medical insurance, housing, living expenses, or car insurance is the greatest day in the life of a parent (…just kidding, we all know my birth was the best day for you!)
3- Hard work will always pay off.
4- Being grown up isn’t nearly has fun as growing up.
5- Flowers are a waste of money because they will always die.
6- You cannot get to the top by stepping on people.
7- Growing up with women, then getting married and going on to have only daughters, does not mean you understand a single thing about the opposite sex.
8- People will inevitably let you down and disappoint you. Continue to give the benefit of the doubt anyway.
9- Travel often.
10- Sisters are the best thing in life. Period.
11- Once you spend the night throwing up from drinking too much alcohol, you should stop drinking that much alcohol in the future. (You are an actual adult when you can put this into practice…)
12- If you put a hole in the wall with your foot because you slid down the bannister after drinking too much, your parents will never let you forget it.
13- Food always tests better with Sriracha, Tabasco, chili powder, etc.
14- Excel lists will absolutely cause you to fight with your daughters, especially if $ goes “missing.”
15- A well (or poorly) timed “life letter” will always make your daughters smile (even if the content does not). If you don’t deliver said letter on Christmas, your daughters will be pissed.
Well, pops, here’s to you. I love you more than you’ll ever know. Thanks for 24 years of greatness. Here’s to 24 (+) more!